2005-01-26 I should be doing homework
Classes have started, which is fine enough. So far, I'm liking my classes. I'm already stressed.
I don't have cancer. Yay!
Finally got to see a (what I hope to be, anyway) good psychiatrist. I'm trying out Zoloft for the time being, for anxiety and depression. Diagnoses come later. I need to make an appointment for counselling.
I was talking about this to a couple friends at the coffee shop, and an old friend of mine had sat near (but not with) us, but was nevertheless (very obviously) eavesdropping. She turned around and asked me how I'd been and how I'm doing only after the word "Zoloft" came out of my mouth. I wasn't sure how to interpret that, but decided that I didn't want to give her any more gossip than I could. Said I'd been pretty good, stressed now that school's started, but I like my classes and blahblahblah.
I was left feeling a little conflicted. What does this mean? "I'm only interested in you when you have problems." Hmm.
I feel as though my respect for her has dimished somewhat.
I feel a little weird taking medication for this -- I don't have anything against it, but... I know it won't change who I am. But it'll at least help me feel less dead inside. And that's nice. I won't have to feel like a broken toy anymore.
I know the medication isn't magical, and I'll have to do alot on my own. I'm okay with this. Well, I have to be okay with it. Or maybe that's what the couselling's for. Hm...
I had a dream that was quickly turning into a nightmare (before my alarm woke me out of it) last night. My ex made a cameo in it. I told him to burn in hell. He said "But I'm already there!" My response?
"Well, that must make it easier, then."
Huh.
Life hasn't been very interesting outside of all of this. I get to deal with a severe mental illness, work crap jobs, and take stressful but oddly enjoyable classes. It'll be interesting. But then again, a nuclear holocaust would also be interesting.
Whee.
10.55pm
