2004-07-11 JOYLESSNESS = KITTEN
Alright, I just checked my referrals and came up with a search for "friend's cock's bigger" on google, which asks:
Did you mean: friend's cock bigger
If that doesn't make you glad to be alive, I don't know what will.
10.21pm
*
I'm afraid I may've become some degenerate fuck in my workplace.
That was melodramatic. Let me rephrase:
I've barely slept in the last week, and it shows. I'm feeling kind of sick and dizzy, I'm bitchy, and can't be bothered to do much of anything. In work-terms, I'm lazy and stupid.
But, you know, when you look at the ground and think that it's covered in cockroaches, it's hard to think straight.
Or, when around 6 or 7am (I stopped keeping track of time, too) you see a bee and think (then say) "What is it doing? Bumblebees don't run on Sundays. Or is that the Coralville bus?"
The good thing is that I can still recognize some of these things as abnormal, but I still wish I could sleep.
The point is, I've been reading comics (I don't get stared at for reading Johnny the Homicidal Maniac at work because the cover is inconspicuous. Thank christ) and downloading music (from epitonic.com, which has alot of odds and ends and nothing in particular, but it's legal and rightthere, so it's ok) onto zip disks (lost, unclaimed -- people are usually pretty good about remembering zip disks because they're pretty expensive, but not always) even though I don't have a zip drive on my computer. So I picked up a (one, singular, you can do that at one of the labs here) rewritable cd and am transferring things back and forth (because my computer at the lab doesn't have a read/write cdrom).
P.S. That story was pretty anticlimactic and I'm a little sorry I told it. But not sorry enough to delete it.
There's a very special sort of pain reserved in the back of my eyes for now.
I've given up any semblence of a normal sleep schedule. I decided that all that mattered is that I got to work on time and if somehow I decide that not going to bed until noon is ok, then so be it. I just have to get out of bed for work. This whole "awake for 16 hours, asleep for 8 hours" thing just doesn't seem to be working. What's happening is close to "awake for 24 hours, asleep for 6?" which isn't much fun. I don't have enough to do.
Except laundry. That needs to be done soon. It is, really, a lifelong hobby, but not something I can do every night.
I guess I could handwash everything.
Friday night, I drank too much beer and coffee on an empty stomach (I decided, in an effort to fix/create my sleep schedule, I wasn't going to bed that night) and wound up in the middle of a grocery store with a very drunk friend and a very sober friend, shaking and telling them that I did NOT want to get back into the car, oh god don't make me, I just want to go home and it's not that long of a walk (45 minutes, it is). I was driven home and slept (despite the 5 cups of coffee a couple hours earlier), and hallucinated that my belly was filled with tiny balls of light (shades of pink and purple) and my sleep was determined by how they moved around in my body. I woke up every 3 minutes for the first 2 hours or so (not heavy sleep, of course), then every 30 minutes after that. There was also something about my brain waves being mapped out by membranes and more balls of the same lights. I really wish I remembered it now.
Part of me thinks I'm hungry, but I'm not sure whether to believe it.
JOYLESSNESS = KITTEN.
10.15pm
