2004-03-09 The naming of killer boy
Homework
Study
Homework
Study
Homework
Study
My head's about to explode. It's midterms week. My German quiz went just fine, as did my oral exam for Chinese. Yay for that.
Got an email from Nic last night, of all people. That... surprised me, quite frankly. I almost deleted it on the spot. He wrote me a letter saying essentially "sorry for everything," "thank-you for everything," and "I found your towel."
I really wanted to respond with "fuck you," "fuck you," and "keep the fucking towel." But that's alot lower than I'm willing to go. That's far, far beneath me. Bad karma, too. Nothing boded well for that. So, after I collected myself, I wrote him a cheerful but cold, distant reply saying no, I don't care about the towel, but will take it back if it'd make him feel better. He'd asked about how I'd been, I told him my life has been fantastic. Talked about that. Told him about Tim.
It all made/makes me very angry, alot angrier than I thought I would be. I really could've died a happy woman never having heard from him again, ya know? He's only apologizing for his own sake, anyway -- he's not doing it to make me feel better, but to make himself feel better, which is about the shittiest reason to apologize to anybody. He just got a wild hair up his ass and decided he felt like trying to make amends. He did the same thing with Craig over the summer, and that ended very badly. If I'd have totally refused his offer to make amends, he'd feel the better person because at least he tried, and feel right. If I'd accepted, then he'd feel the better person because he tried and I hadn't, and he'd feel right. Fuck that. I'm done putting up with his bullshit, and have been ever since he picked a fight with me over frozen food back in September that ended with him trying to force his way into my apartment and shouting "why are you doing this to me, why are you doing this to me."
He told me that if I could come pick up the towel if I wanted, and that he's the same "geographically, etc.-wise." So, great, he's been moping in his apartment for what, 7 months, hasn't changed, hasn't done a goddamned thing to himself to try to improve himself and what, am I expected to just run over there because everything's the same? Gee, Nic, I love it when you were being an utter prick to me, I've missed being a doormat. Your petty spite was the best. Gee, whiz.
He responded to my (very sane) email and said he'd be around if I wanted to pick up the towel (snowball's chance in hell of that), or he could mail it to me if I didn't want to deal with it.
Mail a towel.
Right.
It was a $2 towel. I DON'T CARE. It's just a fucking towel, Jesus. I know the email wasn't about the towel, just him trying to make amends in his very self-centered sort of way.
The long and the short is, fuck him. I was done with him after I got (most) of my things back. I am done with him. There will be no more of this kid in my life, and he will not reinsert himself into it.
Big sigh
That was exactly what I didn't need this week.
In other news, I've made hella progress on The French Assignment I Don't Quite Understand. I'm almost done with it, really, and I'll have to be sure to apologize profusely. W00t.
I earned a kid's respect today by responding to his asshole-rhetorical question (not directed at me, but at a friend) "So, when you have two cocks in your mouth, do you spit or do you swallow?"
with "Neither, really, I think you just drool alot."
What's funny is that I didn't think a good deal of this at the time. Of all the things I thought I'd become totally numb to, hardcore porn didn't quite make the list. Tim's apartment is full of it. His roommate, Barb, worked in a sex shop for quite awhile and the collection just... grew, so to speak. It's mostly hers, which is supposed to be really funny/strange. She put up a porn collage on (the entirety of) one of the walls. I was totally unperturbed (good word, that) when I saw it. Thought it was a little funny, though.
I knew that it took alot to shock me, but I didn't realize to what extent. Hm. Just as well.
I'm tired.
Time for more schooly things.
Yay
...
10.22pm
